How to Select a Dating Coach

It’s no secret that putting yourself out there is difficult, regardless of the exact context. Whether you’re negotiating a pay raise or seeing an old friend for the first time in ages, it’s normal to feel nervous or even exposed.

This is the same reason why you might struggle to narrow down your options after searching “dating coach near me”. It's hard enough to admit you won’t meet your soulmate by chance while grocery shopping.

Accepting this, working up the nerve to search for a coach, and objectively weighing your choices can be just as stressful as an important job interview. Your future could hinge on this decision, after all. The thing is, inaction is a decision too. Putting off hiring a dating coach might feel like keeping your options open, but you’re actually most likely delaying your next relationship.

You deserve to work with someone who’s not only a great coach, but a great fit for you personally. By the time you’re done reading, you’ll know exactly what to look for while searching for a dating coach and what benefits you can expect.

Reasons to Hire a Dating Coach

If you’ve never hired a dating coach before, you’re probably wondering if you really need to. Dating apps and social circles can make you feel like you have access to every fish in the sea, so to speak. But if that were really true, wouldn’t it be easier to find love?

When you’re comparing results for your “dating coach near me” search, it’s important to remember why you’re hiring one.. A great dating coach works with you to overcome all kinds of obstacles you might not be aware of.

Dating Isn’t Easy

A recent study found 47% of Americans believe dating is harder now than a decade ago. (1) What may surprise you is that the survey was conducted before the pandemic, meaning it had no bearing on these results. Meeting potential partners certainly hasn’t gotten easier in the years since.

Shifts in societal expectations and dating’s increasingly casual nature might make it easier to meet new people, but it makes dating more difficult. It’s already challenging to carve out time for dates in your busy life. Added to that the fact that you might go on hundreds of blind dates before meeting a potential long-term partner, it’s easy to get discouraged.

Be wary if their philosophy of finding a wonderful partner is centered around just a “numbers game.” Look for someone who will get to know you and work with you one-on-one.

You Need More Than Just Dating Apps

It's true that dating apps have helped some people find their match. A Stanford survey found that in 2017, 39% of couples met their partner on the internet. (2) At the same time, the impersonal and time-consuming nature of dating apps isn’t conducive to the lifestyle of high-achieving single San Franciscans.

When you start clicking through your search results for “dating coach near me,” check to see if they offer online dating concierge services. Successful coaches understand that you should leave no stone unturned when searching for a partner, including dating apps.

In short, hiring a dating coach can help you cut through the noise and focus on profiles of people who are a truly good match. You two will work together on refining your own profile and finding potential partners.

Does Fear and Disappointment Stop You from Dating?

If you’re avoiding dating altogether, you’d definitely benefit from hiring a professional coach. Many people feel like the world is their oyster while dating in their early twenties. But as you get older, you get busier and more aware of your time’s value. Your career and routines take shape, and suddenly you’re held back by fear of disappointment.

This feeling of paralysis is completely normal, but it doesn’t serve you. A professional dating coach will help you break out of this state. As you gain confidence while working together, you’ll also develop the know-how and skills to date successfully.

The best dating coaches understand that you can’t simply be told how to act on a date. Seeing this positive change in your life typically requires a shift in your own mindset. Otherwise, even with a complete handbook of instructions, you’ll still be held back by fear and disappointment.

Are Your Expectations Unrealistically High?

In the world of modern dating, it can be hard to keep your expectations in check. Even just one bad date can be enough to have an impact. A common defense mechanism is setting your expectations so high, they couldn’t possibly be met. Our subconscious minds believe the high bar protects us from unpleasant surprises and disappointment.

In reality, these expectations rob you of the opportunity to find real love. Every time these idealistic requirements aren’t met, you begin to doubt yourself and your ability to ever meet the right person. It’s incredibly easy to become convinced no one could possibly be worth your time and effort.

After you search for a “dating coach near me,” look through your results for a coach who talks about perspective and expectations. Any dating coach who doesn’t take these into consideration will under-serve you, as you won’t be able to recognize a great potential match.

A knowledgeable and professional coach knows these internal factors have to be addressed before you can find love. If you believe the people you’re matched with aren’t up to your standards, you’ll never feel a connection with any of them. Your coach will help you open yourself up to these new opportunities.

Benefits of Hiring a Dating Coach

When you search for a “dating coach near me,” you’re likely only considering the big picture. You want to find a serious partner without wasting your time and energy. But the benefits of working with a professional dating coach go far beyond finding your next relationship.

Improve Your Confidence and Perspective

When your dates keep leading to dead ends, of course your confidence will degrade. Staying single for a long period isn’t a great solution, either—time doesn’t actually heal all wounds. Research has found that in many cases, the passage of time causes negative thoughts to become deeply entrenched in the subconscious mind. (3)

It's human nature to seek control of our lives. We all want to believe that we have full control over every occurrence, big or small. The thing is, blaming yourself for not finding a life partner yet is extremely counter-productive. Thoughts like “If only I had done this differently…” prevent you from healing and starting fresh.

A professional dating coach will help you break free of self-deprecating habits and thoughts. You’ll work together to establish systems that help you rationalize feelings of doubt and rejection anytime you experience them.

Being in-tune with harmful patterns and perspectives is necessary for any successful coach. Especially while dating, it’s easy to get lost in your own assumptions and worries. Your dating coach will offer insights and new perspectives to shed light on every potential match.

Learn How to Have Meaningful Connections in the Dating World

For many people, a lack of success in finding a long-term relationship results in pulling back. This building of mental and emotional walls can happen either consciously or subconsciously. Either way, it’s hard to tear these walls down on your own.

Just like letting go of self-blame, opening yourself up to a meaningful connection is hard to do on your own. Even if you’ve become aware of this desire to avoid future pain, keeping yourself from acting on the desire is a difficult habit to build.

Your dating coach will help you come to terms with how others see you as a result of your walls. First, they’ll help you acknowledge the disconnect between how you view your actions and how others view them. From there, you’ll work towards becoming truly open to meeting new people again.

Your Next Relationship is Waiting

Right now, your potential partner is out there somewhere. You just haven’t met them yet. Every dating coach approaches this fact differently. 

The key thing to remember is that your next relationship is waiting. The right person for you isn’t spending every single night at bars and speed dating events, desperate to start a relationship with anybody. They’re looking to meet a truly compatible long-term match, just like you.

It’s true that the overall goal of hiring a dating coach is finding a great partner. That’s why great coaches take the time to really get to know you and build a rapport. Otherwise, how could they possibly determine which people might be a good fit for you?

Just remember the best coaches will focus first on getting to know you. Doing so ensures that your next relationship is with someone you can actually see yourself dating long-term.

How Do I Choose a Dating Coach?

In a nutshell, choose a dating coach by evaluating their experience, training, and philosophy. It’s also crucial to compare your own values and personality to each coach you’re considering.

While comparing results of your “dating coach near me” search, it’s wise to explore each coach’s website. All of the information you need to make the best choice should be readily available.

In this modern age, not including these important details is a red flag. An uninformative website—or no website at all—often signifies a lack of experience.

In terms of clarity, your search will be easier if you have a clear picture of your desired results. Think about what you specifically want to change or improve. Also consider why you haven’t been able to make this change on your own, and how a dating coach will help.

Credibility typically comes down to a coach’s results, training, and experience. That said, you’ll weigh these factors differently than other people. It’s crucial that you genuinely believe your dating coach has the skill to help you.
Finally, connection is the most important yet least analytical part of your selection process.

For decades, studies have proven that your connection to your dating coach is the most important aspect of getting positive results. (6) If you don’t find a coach to be likable, you won’t build a good rapport. Without this bond, you’re ultimately less likely to achieve your goals.

San Francisco Dating Coach for Men and Women

Shannon’s Circle is a San Francisco matchmaking boutique founded by Shannon Lundgren. We believe that both a personal approach and a strategic lens are necessary to help you start a great relationship.

Most importantly, we focus on what your needs truly are. When you search for “dating coach near me,” you aren’t looking for another dating app or blind date. You’re hoping to permanently change your life for the better without sacrificing your current career and lifestyle.

If you’re a busy professional looking for love in San Francisco or the Bay Area, we’d love to welcome you into our Circle. Whether you’re interested in matchmaking services, date coaching, or both, Shannon’s Circle is here to help. We can’t wait to help you write your own love story.

References:

1. Pew Research, Key Takeaways on American’s Views of and Experiences with Dating and Relationships

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/08/20/key-takeaways-on-americans-views-of-and-experiences-with-dating-and-relationships/

2. Stanford, Disintermediating Your Friends: How Online Dating in the United States Displaces Other Ways of Meeting

https://web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disintermediating_Friends.pdf

3. Psychology Today, Why Do I Feel Like It’s My Fault?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-sexual-trauma/202005/why-do-i-feel-its-my-fault

4. Psychology Today, Making Social Connections More Meaningful

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nourished-journey/202206/making-social-connections-more-meaningful

5. Forbes, How To Choose A Coach

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2020/05/27/how-to-choose-a-coach/?sh=2dbc1c9f2c9c

6. APA PsycNet, Escape from Babel: Toward a Unifying Language for Psychotherapy Practice

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-97165-000